Categories: STUFF TO DO
October 31, 2017
| On 10 months ago

10 Things That Will Make You Say: “Damn, Taobao Really Has Everything”

By Iqmall Hayat

Taobao is a lot of people’s guilty pleasure. Everything comes at a fraction of the price and sometimes with even better quality. With all the different agents competing with one another to provide the lowest shipping rates, you’re the only winner here.

Picking my jaw off the floor, here’s a list of 10 Taobao finds that made me go, “Damn, this site has everything.”

1. Meat Skewer Maker

Have you ever stood in line at the kebab stall at the pasar malam and wished you could make skewers? No? Me neither, but I could do with some skewers right now and with this contraption, I can make them at my convenience!

Price: 99 Yuan (approx. S$20.35)  | Product link

2. Bike Lane Light Tron Cosplay

The TRON Remake was great when it came out a few years back. Keeping close to the original style as well as boasting a banging soundtrack, it gained a whole new legion of fans apart from the OG fans.

Now, if you bike around town often (bike-sharing services don’t count!), this extremely practical nightlight will illuminate the space behind you creating a lane for your fellow riders at the back.

Price: 7.90 Yuan – 69 Yuan (approx. S$1.62 – S$14.18) | Product link

3. Phone Case Selfie Stick

You’ve seen this video on Facebook: The guy is in front of the Eiffel tower and he extends a selfie stick out the back of his phone case. We knew we needed that. Well, that was about two years ago and selfie sticks have died with it. So why not bring it back?

They are pretty cumbersome to haul, install and operate but will make your parents happy when you get to squeeze the whole family into one picture.

Price: 59 Yuan (approx. S$12.13) | Product link

4. A Jar Filled With Fart

Well, here is where it gets a lil out there. A fleeting moment encapsulated within this jar. A fart. Why? I don’t know. However, there was a review of a repeat buyer that mentioned it was as pungent as the first purchase. Props for consistency, I guess?

Price: 99 Yuan (approx. S$20.25)  | Product link

5. Japanese Onsen Bathtub

Onsens are growing in popularity here in Singapore but with anything remotely Japanese, it tends to come with a hefty price tag. Get your own personal home-friendly onsen bathtub, and while you’re at it, browse through the store for different scents and medicinal aids to infuse your hot bath with.

Price: 258 Yuan (approx. S$53.04) | Product link

6. Faux Ferrari Key

This is the ultimate flex accessory. A faux Ferrari Key! Imagine casually pulling this out from your pockets at a bar to impress that girl in your peripheral. Then also imagine her finding out you only have the means to afford BMW (Buses, MRTs and Walking).

Price: 58.48 Yuan – 75.68 Yuan (approx. S$12.02 – S$15.56) | Product link

7. Life-Sized Bumblebee Model

Now, this is pretty cool if you ask me. This would be the first item on my list if I’m obscenely rich and have ridiculous amounts of money to blow.

Imagine having a life-sized model of Bumblebee in the front yard of your multi-million dollar mansion on an island somewhere in the Atlantic. A man can dream.

Price: 38, 980 Yuan (approx. S$8013.08) | Product link

8. Mini Porsche

Kids, we all can agree, ask for ridiculous things. Some more often than others. Well, what if your kid is crying relentlessly, screaming and begging for a Porsche?

Now, I’ve got you covered. This thing drives as well and if your kid decides to change his mind all of a sudden, the store has many other branded cars for you to shield away from all his requests.

Price: 388 Yuan – 428 Yuan (approx. S$67.43 – S$87.98) | Product link

9. Full-Scale UFC Hexagon Ring

Am I the only one who gets restless and itchy for a fight whenever I watch someone fighting? Facebook videos recorded on a calculator or professional bouts, they just raise my testosterone to unhealthy levels and I just feel like throwing it down.

If you’re like me, this UFC ring could do the trick. A full-scale UFC ring for when you aspire to be like Dias or McGregor.

Price: 2000 Yuan (approx. S$411.14) | Product link

10. Crying Baby Mask

Made famous via Japan’s favourite variety show, Gaki No Tsukai, the baby mask was a small segment in their yearly countdown No-Laughing game that is almost like a rite of passage for many Japanese welcoming in the New Year.

In a show full of wacky antics and plots, the sheer sight of a baby’s head atop a grown man’s body got the whole audience gasping for air.

Price: 35 Yuan – 99 Yuan (approx. S$7.19 – S$20.35) | Product Link

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Taobao is truly one of the best e-commerce sites on the Internet. China’s online Pandora’s box, it has troves upon troves of stuff ranging from clothes, to gadgets, furniture and knick-knacks.

Let’s face it, you’d be hard-pressed to find something that ISN’T on Taobao. You could literally get anything and with endless agent services, you could be paying even lesser!

Iqmall Hayat

IG: @datingjenniekim